Sharing on Facebook

I have to admit I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  I have really enjoyed reconnecting with friends over the past 10 years since joining the social media craze.  It is the competitive nature of the beast that makes me retreat.  I sometimes feel that a lot of members are trying to one-up each other or show how perfect their families and lives are.  This has never been a characteristic of mine but I am sure I have done my fair share of bragging as well.

I recently had my article published on the Thrive Global website.  The article had previously been published on  Medium and TBI Hope.

On a whim, I shared the article on my personal Facebook page.  After clicking “post” I felt a bit of nervous angst.  I wasn’t sure what kind of feedback the article would receive.  Within minutes, my notifications started buzzing with some of the most beautiful comments I have ever received.  There was so much support and encouragement for both the story and our family.  I was overwhelmed, in a good way.  I knew that I had made the right decision when I decided to share the piece.  Some of my Facebook friends did not know our family’s story into the depths of Traumatic Brain Injury and some had been right there with us from day one cheering and praying for Middle Miss’ recovery.

I think it also was a tiny step of putting my writing out there and seeing how it was received.  I think fear has been holding me back while trying to write our book.  Fear that it won’t get published, it won’t get read, readers won’t resonate with the story.  I have finally embraced that no matter what I have to try.  I have to write and try to get it out to the masses.  It doesn’t matter if no one likes it.  As we started to talk about this project our goal was to give other families a lifeline while going through a devastating event such as ours.  When this happened to us 16 years ago there wasn’t a guidebook telling us how to proceed, what types of specialists or doctors we would need, etc. We didn’t have the resources that are prevalent in today’s world.

Now the hardest thing is for me to stay focused and allow the time for the writing to happen.  This has been such a hard thing to accomplish lately.  I need to put aside other thoughts and responsibilities and treat this as my job.  I have really tried to keep a full day or two each week to fully devote to writing.  That means no volunteering at hospitals or schools, no lunches with friends, and no running errands or shopping.  This last one has been hard because I have to fit the food shopping and regular errands in somewhere.

I need to delegate and try to combine errands with other activities which usually requires a lot of planning.  Does anyone have suggestions?  It would be nice if I could hire an assistant but that definitely won’t be happening.


Beamer Learns About Traumatic Brain Injury

Sometimes you never know how your connections will work.  A local author and I had become “facebook friends” since we both knew another family who had experienced the terrible loss of their child.  I followed her and noticed she was continuing to write books in the “Tell Me Town” series she created.  The series was born out of her desire to give back to the community and help others.

Cindy Chambers was serving on the board of a local hospital and while on a tour she noticed the fear on both patient’s and parent’s faces as she walked through the emergency room.  She thought to herself, “Oh, I wish there was a book that could explain what was happening to a child in words they would understand along with characters who were relatable”.

She left that day and soon after the book series was born.  The books feature two main characters Kyle and his dog Beamer.  They live in a fictional town and have learned about the emergency room, fire safety, Cancer diagnosis, Diabetes I and II diagnoses, and Alzheimer’s just to name a few.  Cindy works along with the experts in each field to understand the complexities of each issue and writes a story kids will relate to and understand.

About two years ago I had noticed that she released a book about a friend with special needs. On a whim I sent her a message and asked if she had ever considered writing a book about Traumatic Brain Injury.  She instantly replied that she had been asked before and would love to meet so we could discuss.

We met at a local coffee shop and as I expected she was absolutely delightful.  She listened attentively to our family’s story and had some great ideas.  We planned to meet again soon and to bring Middle Miss into the conversation.

Our next meeting occurred at our home and Middle Miss and Mike were brought into the conversation.  We met a number of times to discuss the story and finally had a book.  Cindy consulted with a local neurologist to understand what goes on in the brain when it experiences such an injury and works with her illustrator to bring the characters and words to life.

Ironically, the book was released the day before our 16th anniversary of the accident.  Neither the publisher or Cindy knew the date so I call it serendipity.  Although, this is not Middle Miss’ full story she contributed a lot of her symptoms and stories to bring the book to life.  She was also able to contribute a statement in the book and Mike and I did as well.

We are so grateful for this opportunity as it gives Middle Miss a way to get part of her story out there.  We also had the opportunity to meet the neurologist who helped on the project and Cindy presented Middle Miss with the most beautiful award.  It was truly a very special day.

award photo

The book is available on Amazon.  If you purchase the book we would love a review and I would love to know what you think.





pexels-photo-46274.jpegHappy New Year to all of you!  Yes, I know I am a week late.  Sounds like the story of my life.

Mike and I have been trying to put together a book for quite some time.  Some of it came out of trying to keep a record or journal of our family’s story and survival through the abyss known as Traumatic Brain Injury.  Whenever I would speak at events for either Brain Injury Services, Inc. or the Trauma Survivors Network  I would be approached by audience members who kept commenting that I should write a book.  Apparently, a story about a mom and daughter both have brain injuries from the same incident isn’t very common.  Go Figure!

Anyway, we have put the bare bones together and I was getting inpatient wondering if we had something publishable so I contacted a hybrid publisher.  At the time I didn’t realize what a hybrid publisher was but it is between a traditional publishing house such as Random House and self-publishing.  A hybrid asks for some money upfront from the author but the work is still owned by the author and the company helps with editing, typesetting, printing, marketing, and distribution.

I was very surprised when we were offered a contract to go ahead.  We have decided to spend a little more time refining the book over the next few months before going ahead.  There are so many things to still figure out such as how the 3 misses will take the news.  This will especially affect Middle Miss!  We want to lay out the story as honestly as we can and some of the things we have to share she may not like.  I guess we can cross that bridge when we need.

If anyone has any experience publishing a book I would love to hear about it; both the good and bad.  I am a big believer in the more you know the better the decision.



Silver Linings

Sometimes while in the throes of trauma we don’t have the ability to notice the silver linings in the clouds. I learned this in the aftermath of our accident; the realization that we had so many wonderful people who came out in support of our family.  We received cards from friends and families, pictures from children we knew as well as children who heard our story and wanted to do something.  Soon Middle Miss’s hospital room was decorated in vibrant colors and images.  While in a coma the doctors recommended that we play soft music that Middle Miss enjoyed listening to as a way to reach her and hopefully stimulate her brain.   A truly wonderful friend found a CD that included songs with her name in it. What a truly wonderful gift.

Former neighbors came by and dropped off bags full of snacks for both Mike and I because they knew from experience when a child is in the hospital parents do not want to leave to get something to eat in fear that something will happen when they are not “on watch”.  Home cooked meals were delivered to our home for Big Miss and her Grandmother who was helping out and to the hospital for us so we didn’t forget to take care of ourselves.  Friends and neighbors were offering to help take care of Big Miss so her routine could be as close to normal as possible.  They understood that a 5 year old still needs a steady routine no matter what.

Our advocacy for Middle Miss began on day one in the hospital.  Prior to this, I was not very assertive.  I wasn’t a pushover but I didn’t always speak up when I should.  Well, having your child in a coma will definitely bring all that out.  Mike and I started advocating for her immediately.  We questioned the doctors, demanded answers when our questions were ignored, fought her transfer to another unit until she was off the ventilator, demanded second opinions, and the list goes on and on.  Through this I learned how to become an advocate and little did I know that I would become such a huge advocate for her and others suffering from brain injury.  Prior to our accident we didn’t know anything about brain injury and became quick studies to ensure she received the help she needed and deserved.

During the 10 long days Middle Miss was in the hospital and prior to entering inpatient rehabilitation so many people approached and told me how strong I was.  I thanked them but thought deep down that I had them fooled.  I later realized how accurate they were. Friends and strangers saw something in me that I was unable to recognize.  I don’t know if I would have ever known my strength had I never been through a crisis like this.

Along with learning to advocate, I became a public speaker which shocks me to this day.  I never enjoyed speaking up in class and anytime we had a project that included a presentation I would rush through it just to get out of the spotlight.  The first time I was asked to tell my story I jumped at the chance.  I was nervous but confident in the information I had to pass on and each time I told the story it got easier and easier. There are times that I broke down, and it continues to happen today 14 years later, but I know my story is powerful and use it as a tool.  I am educating my audience about brain injury, the long term effects for both the injured and her family, the special education system, and many other aspects of this ordeal.

Marriages can be very fragile or they can be as tough as nails. Luckily, we were able to see that our marriage was tough and became stronger because of this as we worked as a team to get Middle Miss the proper care and help.  She made incredible progress once we entered the rehabilitation center and those around us thought it was due to the strong family unit we had.  Eventhough we chose to go to one that was in another state and further from our home we made sure that one of us was with her at all times.  We never left her side and continually pushed all the therapists and doctors to give her as much treatment as physically possible.  My heart breaks for all the children who don’t have this support.

I don’t talk about my religious beliefs or spirituality very much but during this time I also learned about the power of prayer and forgiveness.  A great number of people mentioned that we were in their prayers or their religious institution had put us in their prayer circle. For many years afterwards I would meet someone and once they heard our story they would confide that they prayed for us.  How awesome is that?

A few years after our accident I was sitting in church listening to a sermon about when all of a sudden I felt this rush of forgiveness for the man who caused the accident.  It was the most liberating feeling.   I was still sad.  I was still angry.  But I no longer felt revenge and the forgiveness allowed me to move on and be the best mom, wife and woman I could be.

Of course, I wish this tragic event never happened but I can’t take it away.  Instead I choose to move forward and help others navigate through their own stories.